I had high hopes for this weekend. I thought I would have plenty of time to get some needed shopping done, clean my house, and make a serious dent in some homework... It's now Sunday and I've only gotten the shopping part done.
It's not that I haven't tried... I've literally forced myself to sit down at my desk with my books laid out in front of me with a pen in one hand and a highlighter in the other, but then I look at how much work I have to do and my mind checks out to another land. Looks like I will be paying for it tonight and tomorrow when I really have to cram.
I am a hard worker. I thrive in my school work and I actually like when I have a project to do. However, I'm extremely OCD and like to narrow my focus to one project at a time... which unfortunately is impossible to do when you have six classes demanding the same amount of attention.Which brings me to my feelings about law school as I enter into week three...
I have always wanted to go to law school. I can't remember a time when I have said anything otherwise. The problem is that saying you want to go and actually going are two entirely different things.
Law school plays with your emotions in ways you cannot imagine until you actually go through it. At school you sit through class after class terrified you'll be called on to be in the hot seat, especially during a topic that you have little to no understanding about (which is basically all of them). At home you struggle with the balance of wanting to enjoy being home and feeling guilty that you aren't studying or getting ahead. Even when you sleep you can't escape the emotional pull of law school as your dreams (or nightmares rather) are filled with legal question after legal question.
The hardest part of law school that I have personally struggled with the last few weeks is dealing with all of the doubts. I never once doubted I would make it through undergrad or even that I would do well, but everyday I doubt that I will make it through law school. It's like being told you have to climb Mount Everest to the top and back down again with zero knowledge or skills of mountain climbing.
Oh, and before anyone tries to tell me not to worry, just know there are over 200 dead bodies on Mt. Everest, so clearly some people do not make it. -_-
If support and a desire would get me through, I wouldn't be so worried. I have some great people behind me and I obviously have the desire to make it. I'm just counting on my faith to help me overcome all of these doubts, because no matter how many people tell me it'll be okay my fears are not quieted.
"For truly I say to you, if you have faith the size of a mustard seed,
you will say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it will
move; and nothing will be impossible to you." -Bible
"Faith is taking the first step, even when you don't see the whole staircase." -MLK
Getting to work now.
-L